(10 minute read)
“Man and Typhoon,” Elson Li, South China Morning Post, Sept. 25, 2005
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring the things you don’t have. Remember, the things that you now have were once things you had only hoped for. You now have them anyway.”
– Epictetus
“We look before and after and pine for what is not.”
– Shelley, To A Skylark
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
– Blaise Pascal, “Thoughts,” Praeger Publishing, 1978
According to a recent survey, the average American spends six hours a day engaged with news and social media companies. We check our phones an average of once every five minutes. We are living in homes with an average of 17 devices connected to the internet. There are more Americans with a Facebook account than have a primary physician.
Despite the myriad digital connections to the world, nearly 40% of Americans claim to be bored with life. Specifically, 67% percent of Millennials, those born at the cusp of the technology revolution (1980-1995), fair worse. Staggering as that is, the Gen Z generation is saddled with the label “THE bored generation.”
One reason for all that time being spent online? American’s have more leisure time today than any other previous generation. Yet, we are still filled with anxiety, unhappiness, and now …boredom.
What is going on?
While writing the series on the crisis in American education, I came across an article in the Times Higher Education. The article, written by Patrick Jack, noted a recent study conducted in 36 countries measuring “happiness” in college graduates.
It has long been determined that earning higher-ed degrees create profitable economic opportunities as compared to those without. The results of this study aligned with that determination. College graduates earn more and tend to be happier than those without one. However, certain variables were found to determine the “level” of happiness. Graduates who found themselves in environments with strong cultural, social, and economic developments reported higher levels of happiness than those in countries struggling in those areas.
The study also found that finishing a degree may buy more earning power, but won’t guarantee contentment, happiness, or success. For example, educated and non-educated people tend to report the same amount of happiness if their country’s prosperity is promising.
Be lucky enough to live in a country with a strong economy and you might feel better about your prospects. Reverse that and happiness eludes everyone including college graduates.
This is interesting on a couple of levels.
Firstly, as an educator who has taught and recruited students, the earning power of graduates was a go-to sales pitch. Prior to the 1980s, conventional wisdom maintained that to be successful in life one needed to finish high school. Happiness was the implied byproduct of a job well done. For many, earning that degree was a monumental task.
Today, the idea that only graduating high school and being happy seems silly. From the 80s on, that same idea of success has been kicked up to earning at least a college degree. High school diplomas just won’t cut it anymore for most careers.
Secondly, as a student of theology and philosophy, the idea of anything bringing happiness gets my attention. A study on education and human happiness? Together? That is a social laboratory I am more than happy to wade in.
What Does It Mean To Be Happy?
I have a personal interest in the correlation between money, success and happiness. I grew up in the projects with two siblings, all of us under the age of five. Our single mother was 19 years old. The lack of happiness and money was a constant. Both seemed unattainable for most of my formative years.
Professor at NYU and best-selling author, Scott Galloway, has a lot to say about social and economic happiness. His best selling book, The Algebra of Wealth, details how, despite the record growth in the U.S. economy, young people are finding it more difficult to find the same standard of living their parents enjoyed. They are less happy because of it. This is compounded by the fact that many of them (mostly men) are still living with their parents. And that they are well into their twenties and early thirties doesn’t help.
“In 2023, 18% of adults ages 25 to 34 were living in a parent’s home. And young men were more likely than young women to live at home (20% vs. 15%).”
Women are also exceeding men in finishing their four-year degrees beyond high school. Today, 47% of U.S. women ages 25 to 34 have a bachelor’s degree, compared with only 37% of men.
Consequently, some men feel threatened. The podcast bro’s universe is filled with young males spewing any and all resentment towards women. The immature outrage of resentful young males towards their female counterparts is palpable.
What is it that women have that allows them to stay with their studies until completed? As Galloway writes, it’s not the thought that counts. It is that women have a stronger sense of accomplishment. They finish what they start. It’s not the intention of doing something. It is the actual doing what needs to be done to accomplish the work.
“Economic security doesn’t derive from an intellectual exercise; it’s a result of a pattern of behavior,” writes Galloway. It’s not enough to “want” security. It’s a matter of “doing” what it takes to get the security we need. Aligning, what Galloway says, our behavior with intentions.
Want to be a better writer? It’s not enough to want it, you also have to do it. So, write.
Want to be a better musician? Again, it’s not enough to want it, you’ve gotta do it. So, play.
Want to be happier? It’s not enough to want to be happier, you’ve gotta do …what?
Hmm, that one’s not so easy. How do we “do” happiness?
“There has to be something deeper that enables some people to align their behavior with their intentions,” writes Galloway. Faced with circumstances that make most people give up or never try, what makes others seem to thrive despite difficulties? We know that desire or intentions isn’t enough. If real change came from only intentions,”we would keep our New Year’s resolutions and never forget [to write] a thank-you note.” The actions we take, or don’t take, on the outside reflects who we are on the inside.
For the answer, Galloway looks to the ancient Greek Stoics and sums it up in one word, character. The Stoics believed that happiness came from living a virtuous life–concentrating on inner character rather than external surroundings. By focusing on developing wisdom, seeking for truth, showing courage, and practicing moderation one develops an unshakable inner life.
Perhaps this is why I am drawn to Galloway and other Stoic writers. Once you seriously consider the writings of the Stoics it’s not a hard concept to grasp or follow.
Stoicism
What is it? We explored some of it in this post. For this exercise, let’s flesh it out as it pertains to developing character and behavior.
Search for famous Stoics on the internet. What pops up are the names of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca, Zeno, Diogenes, and…Ryan Holiday.
Ryan Holiday? Who the hell is Ryan Holiday?
I’m glad you asked. Mr. Holiday is a best selling author who has extensively written about Stoicism. I became aware of Holiday, however, when I came across his best selling tell-all book in 2012. In, Trust Me I’m Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator, he exposes how marketing and PR people manipulate the media. From social media to the conglomerate big media powerhouses, he shows how he used their weaknesses to his clients advantages. Pushing narratives that were hardly vetted, he piggy-backed off of one media outlet and pushed it to a larger one.
While teaching public relations, I assigned this book as required reading. Not to teach students how to manipulate the media, but to steer them in the opposite direction.
The PR industry has a huge PR problem. They are seen as bullshit artists hired to lie for their clients with plenty of examples to support that view. The only way the industry changes is if a new breed of practitioners says, “no more, we won’t do it.” Resolving to have their personal character intact while being transparent and truthful is their only savior.
Holiday’s book was crucial in setting that example. Anyone who uses media outlets on a daily basis would benefit greatly from reading his book. I’ll leave it to you to learn how he became interested in and started writing about Stoicism. In my opinion, he found his calling. In the style of author Robert Greene, a mentor of Holiday, his explanations of Stoicism are nearly flawless.
Take a deep dive with the various podcasts that Holiday and Galloway have had with each other over the years. Both are adherents to the Stoic philosophy and have written extensively on the topic.
At its core, Stoicism is an ancient human philosophy. Just one of the thousands created and developed over time. Like all religious and philosophical beliefs, it attempts to give meaning to the world and our personal interaction with it.
“Our interaction with it” implies taking the steps necessary to honestly reflect on who we are–to know thyself. It is not a mindless pursuit of stifling or ridding human emotions. Nor is it a selfish exercise in navel gazing. Quite the opposite.
Stoicism was developed to teach us how to identify our inner qualities. When we do, we are less likely to be swayed into mindlessly living a life dictated by others. We also learn how to react to circumstances beyond our control. Like all other philosophical and theological practices it attempts to link the building of personal character by changing our behaviors.
Stoicism is a deliberate exercise. It helps us explore and recognize our nature and provides a better way to respond to external circumstances. We respond by learning to have perseverance, delay snap judgments and, eventually, deliberately, respond to those circumstances with wisdom.
The ancient Stoics believed that Stoicism was a way to find “strength, wisdom, and stamina for all of life’s challenges.” How one obtains these are by adhering to what became known as the four virtues of Stoicism.
“At some point in your life should you come across anything better than wisdom, justice, courage, or temperance — embrace it without reservations and enjoy it to the full — for it must be an extraordinary thing indeed.”
–Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I wrote about the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius’ and his book “Meditations”, a collection of Stoic phrases. His mentors Rusticus, Apollonius, and Severus encouraged him to study the discipline. These “private writings” were intended to be a reminder for Aurelius …when life gets tough, remember these things.
He wrote “Meditations” later in life when indeed his world was becoming very difficult to live in. As emperor, wars, plagues, and betrayals swirled around him. He also had a front row seat to the start of the decline of the Roman empire. Despite being one of the most powerful men of the world, many of these circumstances were beyond his control.
“If you come across anything better than wisdom (truth), justice, courage, or temperance (self-control), –– embrace it.” In the midst of his world in decline, Aurelius reminded himself that these virtues were greater than anything else. If money, power, and fame are greater than these virtues, Aurelius said your obligation was to pursue them. He had all of that, and more. Yet, he still found these to be greater than all the power, fame, and fortune he possessed.
