Photo by Museum of New Zealand Te Papa Tongarewa on Unsplash
(9 minute read)
Key Takeaways:
- Chasing “more” doesn’t guarantee happiness; knowing what’s “enough” does
- In our pursuit of happiness, we often sacrifice today’s peace for a future that’s already available
- “Know thyself” means defining success by our values, not everyone else’s
- Real empowerment is not in controlling circumstances but in the way we respond to those circumstance
- Instead of being driven by what we don’t have we can be content in the midst of our scarcity
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring the things you don’t have. Remember, the things that you now have were once things you had only hoped for. You now have them anyway.”
– Epictetus
“We look before and after and pine for what is not.”
– Shelley, To A Skylark
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
– Blaise Pascal, “Thoughts,” Praeger Publishing, 1978
The Trap of Always Wanting More
In his book, “The Song Of The Bird,” Anthony de Mello relates the story of The Contented Fisherman.
One day a rich businessman came upon a fisherman “lying lazily beside his boat, smoking a pipe.”
“Why aren’t you out fishing?” the businessman asked.
“Because I have caught enough fish for the day,” he said as the pipe smoke bellowed.
Agitated, the businessman was now perplexed. “Well, why don’t you catch some more?”
“What would I dooooo with it?”
The businessman was now beside himself. Snorting, he replied, “You could earn more money. With that you could buy a motor for your boat. Then you could go into deeper waters and catch more fish. Then you’d earn enough money to buy nylon nets, bringing you more fish and more money. You see? Soon you could have two boats…maybe even a whole fleet of boats. Then you would be a rich man like me.”
The fisherman paused as if he were considering. Eventually, he replied, “What would I do then?”
“Aha, I’ve got him now,” thought the businessman and then shot back, “If you accomplished all of those things, like I’ve accomplished in my life, then …then you could rrreeeaaaallllllyyyyy enjoy life.”
With a jerk of his head, he gave back a shout, “What do you think I am doing now?”
What Does It Mean To Be Content?
This parable clearly shows what it means to be content. The businessman judged the fisherman as lazy, believing one must first work hard to amass a lifetime of wealth to find happiness. But the fisherman, knowing himself, was already living the life the businessman worked and longed for.
The difference between the businessman and the fisherman is stark: the businessman, though on his way to great wealth, was not content, while the fisherman, with little wealth, was.
One could assume the businessman’s intentions were honorable—that he was only trying to help by sharing some hard-won wisdom with someone of a lower social standing.
One could also assume the businessman was projecting his own shortcomings onto the fisherman. He believed his path to a life of ease and happiness was simple—work hard and the reward would follow—yet he still resented the poor fisherman for already living the life he so desperately desired.
Success and riches don’t guarantee happiness. Another fisherman in the same situation could be miserable. One learns contentment; the other does not. The difference is in what we do. It’s easier to live happily when our basic needs are met, but contentment is not a byproduct of happiness. Contentment comes from learning to know ourselves.
Redefining Success: Knowing What’s Enough
“Know thyself” is a common phrase that comes from the ancient Stoic Greeks. But just what the hell does it mean?
Depending on the emphasis, there are two ways of looking at the phrase. One, with the emphasis on the word KNOW. Two, on the emphasis on the word THYSELF. They are equally important for our study.
To “know” is to recognize both what you already understand and what you still lack, and to deliberately seek more information as an ongoing exercise in learning about yourself.
“Thyself.” In recognizing there is more to gain, I must explore every possibility of my existence. I know I am distinct from others and possess the faculties to choose how I relate to and engage with the world.
Socrates is famously noted for saying, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” In other words, unquestioningly living by others’ rules, without knowing what truly is or isn’t best for you, leads to a very poor life. (Holiday)
To know thyself is to recognize the personal empowerment that arises from your engagement with the world. This power is always there; what varies is how aware you are of it—many move through life with it on auto-pilot, scarcely noticing it at all.
Empowerment quietly drives many of our actions. It is the deep, personal, internal sense an individual feels to accomplish something. Wall Street executives, advertisers, and cult leaders know this instinctively and shape their messages around it.
Empowerment is a deep-seated drive that shapes countless decisions, from the socks we wear to the partners we choose. Those who recognize these urges have long exploited them, including modern figures like Edward Bernays, the self-proclaimed father of public relations.
Bernays, the nephew of Sigmund Freud (his mother was Freud’s sister and his father’s sister was Freud’s wife), knew well the hidden motivations of the human mind. After closely studying Freud’s writings and visiting him in Vienna in 1913, he adapted his uncle’s theories about deep, instinctual drives to serve the needs of Wall Street and Madison Avenue.
Bernays believed people rarely chose products or political parties based on logic or need. Instead, they made decisions based on how those choices made them feel. The psychologist’s question, “How does that make you feel?” is no joke—it often outweighs every other motivation.
Bernays, drawing on Freud’s writings, argued that consumer choices and group loyalties arise from deep emotions and “lower instincts.” By uncovering and manipulating these hidden motivations through messaging, he transformed how the modern West uses emotion to shape what people buy and the groups they join.
Real Empowerment: Control What You Can
The Stoics understood our need to feel empowered and fully embraced it. They taught that real empowerment doesn’t come from external things or political affiliations, but from personally seeking and living by, as Aurelius noted, truth, justice, courage, and self-control.
This form of empowerment helps us seek healthy, non-destructive ways to meet our needs, especially in circumstances beyond our control. Grounding ourselves in these pillars guides our choices and reduces feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Stoicism teaches that while life can be harsh, unfair, and beyond our control, we are never trapped by circumstances. By choosing how we think and respond, we can cultivate contentment and a stronger, more empowered mind.
Austrian philosopher Viktor Frankl, a survivor of Nazi concentration camps, wrote that there is a space between “stimulus and response”—the moment between what happens and how we react. In that space lies our personal power: we choose whether to shrink in fear or face suffering with courage and purpose. Frankl taught that even in suffering we can find meaning, and that “in our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor Frankl learned the power of inner freedom in the Nazi concentration camps, where his father, mother, and wife were killed. As a scientist, he watched how prisoners responded to this brutality and saw that those who held on to meaning were more likely to survive. Out of this insight—that there is a space between stimulus and response in which we can choose our attitude, even in suffering—came his classic book, Man’s Search For Meaning.
Frankl, like Maslow, held that real human life begins once our basic needs are enough met. When we are not consumed by hunger, housing, or survival, we gain the inner freedom to seek meaning, take responsibility for our choices, and transcend ourselves in service to others. It is hard to talk about such empowerment with people who go to bed hungry or work two jobs just to get by; for them, “know thyself” will understandably feel like a luxury.
Stoicism is a discipline that strengthens us to face whatever life brings. Although it encourages simplicity, it does not demand that we desire only the bare minimum. Enjoying good, healthful food, for example, is not contrary to Stoic principles. The key is to be content with what we have now, even as we work to build a better life for ourselves, our families, and our communities.
Being content while striving for a better life—for the good of all—can both be true. Aurelius wrote “Meditations” as a quick reference, and by peering into his personal diary we benefit from his attempts to do the “right thing,” which serve as guideposts for our own efforts toward Stoic discipline and the common good.
“Literally, in so many words, Stoicism is a philosophy about doing good in the world, about doing what’s right not in your own selfish interests, but in the interests of others. Yet far too much of the focus of the Stoic conversation is about individualistic struggles—how to manage your temper, how to get over your fear of death—when it was so clearly intended to be about our collective struggle.“
–Ryan Holiday, Right Thing, Right Now
Stoicism is living a life of contentment by focusing only on what is within our control. Our actions, judgments, and thoughts are what we turn to in the “silence” after events, when we choose how to respond. We accept what we cannot control while still striving to improve the world. Personal contentment is an inner strength, not something determined by outside circumstances. By living according to virtuous principles, we can achieve the inner peace and contentment that Aurelius described.
Contentment is the core superpower from which all other qualities grow. Achievements like a college degree, job promotion, the man or woman of your dreams, hitting a winning home–run can bring satisfaction, but being content runs deeper. When we focus on contentment, regrets about the past and worries about the future fade, letting us live more fully in the present and appreciate what we have now.
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