(8 minute read)
When was the last time you felt really good about yourself? Maybe you did something at work that people appreciated, earning you a pat on the back. Maybe you helped a loved one solve a problem. Or just maybe you woke up and for no apparent reason you just felt good about starting your day.
At some point, you might have thought to yourself, “if only life could always be this easy.” One thing is for certain. Those moments of feeling really good about life can be fleeting.
There is a time when the best athletes or musicians talk about “being in the zone.” They might call it “going with the flow.” The famed psychologist Abraham Maslow called it “peak experiences.”
All of them describe a heightened state of mind. This state creates the illusion that the tasks we are engaged in are becoming effortless. All the normal distractions seem to be miles away. It is as if the achievement and the person are almost one. Every ball thrown seems to just flow. Every step taken appears seamless. Every stroke or note in a composition strikes perfectly. It seems like you …just …can’t …miss.
For some reason, in that moment, everything feels good. It seems like the planets are all in alignment. You are reaping the benefits.
At the height of his career Michael Jordan often spoke about this experience. In 1992, during game 1 of the NBA Finals, Jordan achieved an incredible feat. In perhaps one of the greatest comebacks in NBA history, he sank six three-pointers in the final minutes. This performance led the Chicago Bulls to take a one game lead over the Portland Trailblazers.
After the game he described what he felt accomplishing the feat. “I was in the zone,” he told reporters. Indeed, over his career he was regularly in the zone in clutch situations. This cemented his reputation in NBA history as being one of the greatest.
Musician Carols Santana is a household name to music lovers all over the world. Playing and recording music since the mid-1960s, the multi-Grammy Award winner has world-wide fans spanning many generations. In his 2020 memoir, The Universal Tone, Santana addresses his relationship with music.
He refers to his experience of being in the zone as one who becomes a “conduit.” He thinks of being in the zone as a way of letting go.
“[It} is outside of me,” he writes, “and it’s through me. I don’t create it. I just make sure I don’t get in its way.”
The Living Part
“You know, that’s inspiring,” you might say. “But what about the rest of us schleps that aren’t musicians or world class athletes? How are these stories supposed to inspire and apply to us?”
Most of us will never have the opportunity to sink a 30-foot putt to win a golf championship. We will also not be cast in a play performing in front of hundreds of people. For most of us, “being in the zone” will be an elusive endeavor. In a sense, that is too bad. Many of us will never have the opportunity to know what it is like performing anything at that level.
We have been told to settle for less. These stories are meant only for those that accomplish great feats. The superheroes, GOATS, and gods that walk among us. In a word, that is …bullshit.
If the pinnacle of life is being absorbed in some endeavor, then we are all screwed. This is especially true if it creates a feeling of “zen-like” behavior 24-7. I refuse to accept that as a human narrative.
Life, real life, is meant for the real schlubs.
The stories provided here about Jordan and Santana has a purpose, to be a source of inspiration. Not that we should set out to try and duplicate what they have accomplished. Instead, the intention is to whet the human appetite for extracting more out of our own lives.
The pursuit comes with a price.
Indeed, sports psychologists often write about the professional athlete developing a deep depression once they have retired from the game. The accomplishments, camaraderie, and the cheering crowds are gone and so are the moments of exhilaration they produce. Now they must live a “real life” without the accolades. They have to adjust their daily expectations. They find worth and meaning in the “mundane.”
In other words they have to alter their perception.
It is true that our perceptions determine our reality and, ultimately, what we can and cannot accomplish. But the hidden truth is that the possibility of achievement still exists whether we think they do or not. Of course those possibilities can only exist if we put the time in.
“How can I get to Carnegie Hall?” the tourist asks.
“Practice, practice, practice.”
Michael Jordan was never going to be one of the greatest if he never picked up a basketball. Likewise, Carlos Santana would not have become one of the greatest guitar players to ever exist. He achieved this by putting a guitar in his hand.
There are no shortcuts to laying the foundation for our desired achievements.
We alter our perceptions first. Then we do the things necessary to “living outside of the box.” After that, the possibilities are endless. People often say that we can be our own worst enemy. It’s an overused simplistic adage that betrays the obvious. Just because I think that I cannot do something does not mean the possibility of an accomplishment is less real. Achievements are always possible despite self-doubt.
Though it is true that if I think I can’t achieve something, I will not bother attempting it. But in the end, the possibility of achievement is still there none-the-less.
Should I change my perception and decide to attempt the accomplishment I very well could succeed. The possibility of the accomplishment still exists whether I think it can be done or not.
Which is an exciting prospect.
I do not have to pull “something” out of the thin air. I only have to work towards what I know to be possible.
Controlling Reality
I have often made this mistake in the past. In an attempt at controlling fate, I often thought, said, or did things hoping these actions created better circumstances. It felt as if there were some spiritual piggy bank in the sky. All the good things that I did made deposits for me. These deposits guaranteed good things would come back to me ten-fold. At least that’s what I was promised.
Likewise, screwups and fuckups, intentional or otherwise, meant withdrawals taken out of the account only to disappear …somewhere. Worse. Bank. Ever. Of course all of us have some kind of irrational belief until we recognize it as such.
The world is more harsh and random than we would like to admit. Creating a belief system that takes away some of the harshness provides a false sense of comfort. We will construct some of the oddest beliefs to get there.
We often believe that we can control reality by controlling the circumstances and outcomes of our lives. This perception is a powerful belief to get rid of. One of the most paralyzing things that can happen to us are those unexpected tragedies. They come crashing down around us.
No matter how much we wish them away, they’re still there kicking us in the teeth. We weren’t expecting it. Our piggy bank was full but refused to give us any returns.
- Death
- Betrayal
- Failure
- Divorce
- Financial ruin
We can do everything we can to prevent those things from happening. But they’ve happened and now we are paralyzed. They are there, staring us in the face and mocking us.
“Where’s your Messiah, now?”
“Controlling reality” is for those living inside the box. Living a life with an aim at controlling events. Making sure bad things don’t happen to us and our loved ones. An existence like this is not based on reality. It is based in fantasy.
Thinking, breathing, and living outside the box is for the brave. Those that are steadfast and not paralyzed by bad news.
We may not have those electric moments of “being in the zone” like Jordan and Santana. However, don’t settle for comfortable beliefs. Avoid living a fantasy life safe inside the box.
It sounds counter intuitive, but unrestricted living outside of the box is a little odd at first. Like an untethered astronaut with no moorings, the false “comfort beliefs” we depended on are no longer there. We’re left with the feeling of floating in space. But once practiced enough life truly becomes effortless.
Over time those moments of feeling good about life become a little more frequent and last a lot longer.
