(7 minute read)
Activities that promote “escapism” are the number one pursuit in the world today. We spend records amount of time seeking for ways to cope. Escaping is one of those coping mechanisms. We want to allude suffering at just about any cost. At the same time we aim to break away from the doldrums of daily life. Suffering is subjective. if we are lucky enough to have a life where less suffering, we’re still seeking to escape.
- An advertisement for a new automobile transports the driver to destinations unknown as the ecstasy displayed on the face of the driver is pure bliss
- Pharmaceutical advertisements promise relief from any number of ailments suffered
- Vacation destinations promote escaping to world’s of wonderment
- Acne products can wipe away the suffering seen on the faces of teens faster than the time it takes to sing the chorus of Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”
- The right toothpaste will make you kissable, the right cologne or perfume will make you irresistible, Hai Karate will, well …etc.
“We are all busily fleeing psychic discomfort and pursuing psychic wholeness and pleasure–it has become our primal survival agenda–we just don’t know it yet, and if we do, we don’t describe it in a common way.”
Melinda Davis, The New Culture Of Desire, The Free Press, 2002
Escapism, the intentional distraction from suffering, has been around since the dawn of man. It is a leftover survivor mental state located in the same fight-or-flight location in our brain. However, it’s been shown that a healthy dose of escapism helps us to unwind from the pressures of the day (See Jane McGonigal’s “Reality Is Broken,” and “Superbetter”)
Reading, listening to music, and sex are just some of the escape rooms we frequently enter. Video games, YouTube, movies, or television also provide an escape for us. Just the right amount of escape is healthy. Too much escapism, however, prevents us from fully engaging in our daily interactions.
We all need a sense of accomplishment. We also need to feel valued by loved ones. It is essential to provide a quality of life for ourselves first and others. The religions, philosophies, psychologies, and others noted above share one common belief. Suffering exists. Each has a way of dealing with the harshness of life to a varying degree.
But it starts with facing the reality that:
- suffering exists
- there is little we can do to avoid it
Embracing those two realities is the start of living a healthy mental and emotional life.
Some Suffering Can Be Avoided
While most suffering that befalls us is unavoidable there are some things that we often do to perpetuate suffering. We can be our own worst enemy. Often, our worldview is askew. This can create a toxic mindset and way of living that is not conducive to inner peace. There is an old saying. It states that the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
My own admission of insanity came when I realized something significant. After spending nearly two decades searching for inner peace, I found the belief system I counted on was toxic. I did not know that toxic faith was a thing. It turned out I had a huge unhealthy dose of it.
Arterburn and Felton’s book (in the link above) played a crucial role. It helped me realize I needed to adjust my worldview. And it came after hearing an ex-priest, alcoholic, rag-a-muffin, Brennan Manning, state at a convention:
“Christianity is not primarily a moral code, or an ethic, or a philosophy of life. It’s a love affair with God.
…the focus of our inner life can rest on this one truth …that God loves us unconditionally just as we are and not as we should be. Nobody is as they should be. There is nothing we need to do to earn God’s love. It is given to us unconditionally. There is nothing we can do to earn it.
If that is hard concept for some to accept then there is something that will need to change in order to experience that reality. What needs to change is the myths and illusions that some of you have about God. What you need is a new image of God.”
This monologue had a significant impact on me personally some 30 years ago. I cannot fully explain it here. But it was my start of being set free from unnecessary suffering.
Managing suffering requires a simple change of attitude, a complete new worldview, or anything in between.
The Ageless Quest For An Answer
Since the dawn of man, we have attempted to explain the world in which we live. We explore the good, the bad, and the ugly. Most of our energies revolve around trying to answer this one question, why do bad things happen to good people? i.e., why is there suffering in the world?All of us make an attempt at having a worldview.
I’m willing to bet that if you’ve read this far, you have bought into a belief system at some point. You thought that belief system would insulate you from suffering. I did. When suffering occurs we conjure up illogical reasons.
- Pat Robertson, evangelical TV host and one-time U.S. presidential candidate, blamed the earthquakes in Haiti …on the Haitian people that “made a pact with the devil”
- Ayatollah Khomeini issues a fatwa on Salmon Rushdie, editors, and publishers for the novel The Satanic Verses, calling it …a blasphemous piece of literature that attacks the Islamic faith
- The Pope blames the sexual permissiveness of the 1960s for the …subsequent clerical sexual abuse in the Catholic Church
- A brief list of biblical examples is found in the opening chapters of Genesis; Adam blames Eve …for eating from the tree of knowledge (the woman YOU gave to me gave it to me); Eve blames …the serpent (the serpent deceived me); Cain blames …God and/or Abel for Abel going missing (How am I to know where he is. Am I my brother’s keeper?)
Living a life based on toxic beliefs surely comes to a head at some point. It happens when it appears that the beliefs we have no longer have the desired effect. They no longer insulate us from suffering. So, we begin to blame others and outside forces.
Going through the motions …believing in the same thing, behaving the same way …and expecting different results (like being insulated from suffering), causes us to “burnout.”
Spiritual or psychological burnout is a real thing. The effects are a sense of dread and impotence. We feel hopelessness as the tools we’ve relied on for some time no longer work. They no longer work because, more times than not, they were faulty to begin with.
The problem with suffering is that it exposes those faults (maybe, in the end, that’s not such a problem). Suffering exists perpetually from the cradle to the grave. Anyone telling us anything different is trying to sell us bullshit.
Plain and simple. Bullshit.
Every belief system available to mankind acknowledges the existence of suffering. However, they are usually heavily flawed. Their solutions are often anemic.
- Pray more
- Mediate more
- Embrace it
- It builds character, mental toughness, etc.
- Our personal suffering helps others in their suffering, etc.
The problem with suffering is that if it didn’t exist neither would anemic religions, philosophies, or psychologies. It is hard to juxtapose the platitudes of any belief system with, “Bone cancer in children? What’s all that about?” as Stephen Fry once pointed out.
Making corrections to our worldview, our expectations, or a new image of living an authentic life are often the answer. That begins with acknowledging that suffering, in all its forms, is here to stay. We must recognize that our current belief system may be too toxic to allow us to accept that fact.
The problem with suffering is that a life without it is impossible. Yet, we don’t have to live with a fear of dread either.
