(10 minute read)

“Man and Typhoon,” Elson Li, South China Morning Post, Sept. 25, 2005

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring the things you don’t have. Remember, the things that you now have were once things you had only hoped for. You now have them anyway.”

– Epictetus 

“We look before and after and pine for what is not.”

– Shelley, To A Skylark

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

– Blaise Pascal, “Thoughts,” Praeger Publishing, 1978

What Does It Mean To Be Content?

In his book, “The Song Of The Bird,” Anthony de Mello relates the story of The Contented Fisherman.

One day a rich businessman came upon a fisherman “lying lazily beside his boat, smoking a pipe.”

“Why aren’t you out fishing?” he asked.

“Because I have caught enough fish for the day,” said the fisherman.

“Why don’t you catch some more?”

“What would I do with it?”

“You could earn more money. With that you could have a motor fixed to your boat and go into deeper waters and catch more fish. Then you would make enough to buy nylon nets. These would bring you more fish and more money. Soon you would have enough money to own two boats…maybe even a fleet of boats. Then you would be a rich man like me.”

“What would I do then?” the fisherman asked.

“Then you could really enjoy life,” came the answer.

Without missing a beat the fisherman replied, “What do you think I am doing right now?”

This parable is perfect for explaining what it means to “know thyself” and what it means to be content. The businessman judged the fisherman for being lazy. He thought that one needed to accumulate a lifetime of riches before finding happiness and being content. However, the fisherman was already living the life the businessman hoped, toiled, and daily wished for.

The difference between the businessman and the fisherman is stark. The businessman was already on his way to amassing his wealth and, yet, he was not content. The fisherman, despite not amassing wealth, was content.

You could assume that the businessman’s intentions were honorable, he was only trying to help. Having been successful he was only trying to impart a little wisdom to someone in a lower class of life. That would be one kind interpretation.

You could also assume that the businessman was projecting his own shortcomings onto the fisherman. His plan to reach a life of ease and happiness was foolproof. Work hard and the reward will come. But despite the fisherman having so very little he resented him for already achieving the life he so desperately sought.

But as we know, success and riches don’t always breed happiness. Another fisherman in the same circumstances could be miserable. One learned to be content while the other did not. The difference is in the doing. It is easier to live a happier life when our basic needs are being met. But being content is not a byproduct of being happy. Being content comes from learning how to know thyself.

“Know thyself” is a common phrase that comes from the ancient Stoic Greeks. But just what the hell does it mean?

Depending on the emphasis, there are two ways of looking at the phrase. One, with the emphasis on the word KNOW. Two, on the emphasis on the word THYSELF. They are equally important for our study.

To “know” is to admit that you are already aware or have knowledge about something. At the same time there is an admission of lacking some information. To learn about something, I have to start at what I already know and admit what I don’t. To know means that I want to gather more information, adding to what I already know. It is a deliberate exercise in learning more about myself.

“Thyself.” By admitting that there is more to gain I have to explore all of the possibilities of my existence. I know that I am an entity separate from others. I have the faculties to make decisions; how I relate to and interact with the world.

Socrates is famously noted for saying “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Translation? “Systematically living under the rules of others without questioning their expectations nor knowing what is and isn’t best for you leads to living a very poor life.” (Holiday)

To know thyself, then, is the evidence of your personal empowerment that comes from interacting with the world. The degree of your empowerment depends on how aware you are that you have it. All of us use it to some degree or another. Most of us have it on auto-pilot, almost unaware of its existence.

Empowerment is the hidden motivator behind most of our actions. It is the personal, intense, and internal sense an individual feels in order to accomplish something. Wall Street executives, advertising reps, and cult leaders intrinsically know this and they tailor their messages accordingly.

Empowerment is a motivation and urge that is buried deep within us. It is the cause of many of our decisions from the socks we wear to choosing a mate. Those who are aware we have these urges have been manipulating them for ages. One modern example of this manipulation is Edward Bernays, the self-proclaimed father of public relations.

As the nephew of Sigmund Freud, Bernays knew well about the hidden motivations of the human mind. Bernays studied his Uncle Sigmund’s writings (his mother was Freud’s sister, his father’s sister was Freud’s wife). He was intrigued by his uncle’s theories on the deep motivations and baser instincts of the human psyche. After visiting his uncle in Vienna in 1913, he quickly adopted his uncle’s theories for Wall Street and Madison Avenue.

Bernays believed that people didn’t tend to buy products based on need or logic. Nor did they use either to decide which political party to affiliate with. They made their decisions based on how it made them feel. The psychologist’s proverbial question, “how does that make you feel?” Turns out it is not a joke and far outweighs any other motivation.

Bernays, with Freud’s help, proposed that products were purchased or personal affiliations were based on “lower instincts.” What people “feel” when buying products or the “feeling of belonging” to a group weighs prominently in our decisions. By uncovering hidden motivations and manipulating them through messages was revolutionary and changed the western world forever. One only needs to watch a few advertisements or a political speech to see it in play.

The Stoics recognized this need to feel empowered and fully embraced it. However, they believed that real empowerment didn’t come from external things or political affiliations. It came through personally seeking and adhering to, as Aurelius noted, truth, justice, courage, and self-control.

The advantages to this form of empowerment is obvious. It helps us to recognize our own need for empowerment and seek after it in non-destructive ways. It is also a benefit when dealing with circumstances beyond our control. Grounding ourselves in these pillars helps us to make the right choices. It removes the helplessness and hopelessness that so easily paralyzes.

Stoicism says that we are not trapped by our circumstances. We can learn to make decisions and create a better mental disposition while navigating through life. Life is not easy. It can be harsh and unfair. Many times we do not have a say or control on what happens around us. But we do have control of our own mind and our response to the world.

The Austrian philosopher, Viktor Frankl, wrote that there is a space existing between “stimulus and response.” That is, the time that something happens and our reaction to it. In that space, Frankl believed, is our personal power. It is where we choose what we will do or how to respond. We can either shrink in fear or fight and determine to get through it. “In our response,” he wrote, “lies our growth and our freedom.” We have no control of the outside world, but we do have the freedom to control our responses. Stoicism is about teaching us how to respond.

Frankl knew a thing or two about this internal power. In 1942 he and his family were herded into a concentration camp where his father, mother, and wife perished. His experience watching the brutality of the Third Reich and the response of prisoners was life changing. As a scientist, he observed that those who possessed meaning in their lives had a better chance at survival. After release from Auschwitz, he wrote Man’s Search For Meaning, a perennial best seller.

Frankl, like Maslow, believed that the foundation of real human existence began when we were provided with enough basic needs. The less time we spend worrying about shelter, food, or clothing meant we had more time developing an inner character. It is a difficult to talk about personal empowerment to a group of people that go to bed hungry. Or those working two jobs to make ends meet. Reading, contemplation, and getting to “know thyself” becomes somewhat of a joke for those struggling for daily essentials.

Stoicism is the discipline that says we become empowered to face whatever life throws at us. While Stoicism suggests a simple life, it is wrong to think that we should desire only meager elements. Desiring good food that is healthful is not contrary to Stoicism. The idea is to be content with what we have now. At the same time we live to provide a better life for ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Being content and striving for a better life, especially for the good of all, can both be true. Aurelius wrote “Meditations” as a quick reference and by our peering into his personal diary we benefit as well. His attempts at doing the “right thing” is also a guidepost for our attempts. Thirty times Aurelius mentions the virtue of justice, i.e., how we treat people by adhering to personal standards. Eighty times he mentions the “common good,” which he wrote one should always serve above all.

“Literally, in so many words, Stoicism is a philosophy about doing good in the world, about doing what’s right not in your own selfish interests, but in the interests of others. Yet far too much of the focus of the Stoic conversation is about individualistic struggles—how to manage your temper, how to get over your fear of death—when it was so clearly intended to be about our collective struggle.”

–Ryan Holiday, Right Thing, Right Now

Stoicism is living a life of contentment by concentrating only what is on our control. Actions, judgments, and thoughts are the things we turn to in the “silence” of what has happened and our response. We accept the things we cannot control while striving to make a better world. Personal contentment is an internal force and is not based on outside circumstances. By living with virtuous principles we can achieve the inner peace and contentment that Aurelius wrote about.

To live an empowered life, being content is the one superpower where all other qualities stem. While accomplishing something like a college degree is satisfying and can lead to happiness, being content implies something deeper. By concentrating on being content, the regrets of the past and worries about the future go away. Left with “living in the now” we spend less time on anxieties and more time appreciating what we have now.

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