Living a Life “Less Ordinary”

(10 minute read)

Have you noticed lately that the news is, well to put it kindly, disappointing? OK, a lot more than disappointing. And are you also one that finds just reading the headlines is enough to chafe your chaps?

Some examples:

• European allies forge ahead with their own plans to bring about peace in Ukraine
• Tariffs are announced on goods from Canada, Mexico, and China
• Stock market tumbles
• Polls show majority of Americans not in agreement with Maga
• Forest fires breakout not only in California but in Georgia, South Carolina, Texas, and Oklahoma as well

How the fuck did things turn to shit so quickly?

In the meantime politicians comment and legacy media report these headlines as if it were business as usual. Maybe they, too, are overwhelmed, describing events as if reporting a “near drowning” taking place. Breathlessly describing the water and waves, impotently standing by as the “drowning man” gasps for life.

As if to add insult to injury, Vann R. Newkirk II of the Atlantic wrote his piece “When the KKK Came to D.C.” The infamous picture below accompanies the article.

August 8, 1925. (Bettmann/Getty)

The article is a sobering account detailing the intent of the KKK to legitimize themselves nationwide. It also records how Black newspapers responded to the event. Not surprisingly some condemned the event. Surprisingly most ignored it. Politicians, for the most part, pretended it wasn’t happening. Parade onlookers stood on the sidelines in either paralyzed disbelief or silent assent watching the spectacle go by.

I grew up at a time when the civil rights struggle in our nation was in its throes. And in the 70s women followed and marched for equal rights. Those issues were finally decided in the courts deeming that those rights aligned with the U.S. Constitution. “All men were created equal” meant ALL. Now women were given the same rights as their counterparts.

I realized then, as I do now, that we were still an imperfect nation and had a way to go. But we were making progress and that world made perfect sense to me. Like Dickens’ Pip, I and the MAJORITY of the nation that wanted these changes had reason for great expectations.

The MAJORITY of people in this country looks at the above KKK picture with both shame and pride. Shame for a time when a minority of fellow citizens accepted that behavior as “ordinary.” Those marching that day looked at the world differently. The MAJORITY does not see this country that way. That period of time was a stain we proudly hold our heads high that we are not counted among them.

My paternal Irish Catholic grandmother was born in 1907. She was only one of a few that I knew who lived through so much change in the U.S. Both World Wars, Korea and Vietnam Wars. Proliferation of automobiles and modern appliances. She was never a bubbling over with optimism kind of person. A constant worrier she habitually chewed her fingernails so short they would sometimes bleed.

My maternal grandmother, a German Methodist, was also a worrier but approached life very differently. She converted that worrisome behavior into becoming a social warrior. She spent her life fighting and speaking for those who couldn’t. Ever the champion for the underdog she was the embodiment of “Whatever you did for the least of these…”

A common complaint with these stalwart women was how fast things were moving in the world. The older they got the faster things seemed to move. Traveling, news, and information all were happening too fast for their comfort. Kids were growing up too “fast.” People stopped caring for each other.

Sociologists and historians offer valuable perspectives for us here. They show that every generation thinks they are living in very different times. Each generation also believe their daily lives are more difficult than earlier generations. Each believes without any real evidence that they are unique in those challenges. Their “madness of modern life” is unlike any other generation.

My grandmothers passed away before the proliferation of the internet and cell phones. I can’t imagine what they would say about life today. Circumstances are different. Technology is different. Attitudes ebb and flow. “The madness of modern life” becomes “ordinary” for each generation and chugs along just as it has for eons.

The question is …what is “ordinary” for each generation?

Ordinary today means being hyper connected to social media, current events, and news flashing across the globe in an instant. Ordinary today means automobiles with the ability to drive themselves. Ordinary today means wars continue from great distances, but boots never have to touch foreign soil. Ordinary today means that pharmaceuticals and self-medication products ensures that one will ever have to chew their fingernails ever again.

There are plenty of reasons for many of us living an “ordinary” anxious life. Anyone pointing a condemning finger at a clinically anxious person is all you need to know about the pointer.

Anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental health conditions experienced by adults in the U.S. In a 2019 study, six-percent adults that were surveyed reported experiencing moderate or severe symptoms of anxiety. Seven-percent reported experiencing moderate or severe symptoms of depression.

While life has its ups and downs it is estimated that 280 million people worldwide suffer from clinical depression. In the U.S. alone nearly 1 in 5 all adults suffer from it. If you live in West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Vermont, Alabama, Louisiana, Washington, Missouri, and Montana then you live in the top ten states in the U.S. with the highest percentage of citizens living with depression.

Clinical depression is a serious mental condition and should be treated with professional help. But what about those of us that are affected by current events but not in the clinical category? Standing by seemingly impotent witnessing a sinking world we couldn’t imagine six months ago what hope is there?

Some practical advice is in order. These are some of the things I’ve learned to do. I make no claim here of being the “master of my domain.” Like many of you I find myself frustrated at times making snide remarks at the TV or computer screen.

(As shown in earlier posts) Marcus Aurelius created a list as a reminder to himself. Its purpose was to remind himself to continue practicing the art of surviving the madness of modern life. His “Meditations” has been a must read for generations. Those willing to tread more than the waters and “madness of modern life” and live a full-life swear by it.

1. Focus on only what you can control

The cornerstone of Stoicism is focusing on the things we can control and accepting the things we can’t. Although there is the instant feeling that “at least we are doing something,” worrying or wishing provides little help. Especially over things we have little control over. We can talk until we are blue in the face about what should happen or how people should live life. Yet, without any real impetus to change the circumstances the exercise is futile.

It’s not that we don’t care. We care very much. It’s just that we choose to spend our time and energy on things within our control.

The one thing I know I can control is my reaction to what is going on around me.

• I can’t control the way my parents still treat me like a child, but I can control how I react to them
• I can’t control the way the teacher seems to favor some students over others, but I can control how I react to the teacher and those students
• I can’t control what politicians say or do in Washington, but I can control how I react to them
• I can’t control what my friends say or do, but I can control how I react to them

Like the rest of the world I can join with the crowds describing the waves swelling over our heads. Or I can decide to allow those things to help develop my character and resilience and save those I can.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”

Epictetus’s Discourses 2.5.4-5

2. Focus on the things that you do well

One of the common mistakes we make that adds to our angst is “the pivot.” Basketball players and their fans use this word daily. It is the act of quickly changing direction to confuse or outmaneuver a competitor. But pivoting to something other than the things we are good at can often be a mistake.

“Stay in your lane” is a common phrase. We usually use it when we “hear someone talking out of their ass,” meaning they are overreaching on their skill. An economist is aware of complex financial markets but not on how humans interact in a financial crises. Some knowledge is needed to communicate complex financial theories. However, there are many other communication experts we might want to call on before we talk to a financial expert.

Accepting what we are good at and knowing our limitations is part of the Knowing Thyself process. If we refuse to pivot we are less likely to find ourselves in-over-our-heads. Trying to explain things we are incapable of doing causes undo stress.

As a burgeoning young professor I quickly learned that this was one of the hazards of professorial duty. Standing in front of a large class, skulls full of mush, is empowering. The temptation of being expected to providing answers to nearly every student’s question can be an aphrodisiac. But I learned quickly to stay in my lane. I readily admitted to every new class my three favorite words were, “I don’t know.”

There is a lot of knowledge that I’ve earned. Yet there is still more to this world that I do not know about. I don’t have to know everything. I only have to know what I already know and whatever I can add to that knowing.

“No matter what anyone says or does, my task is to be good. Like gold or emerald or purple repeating to itself (literally purple being purple).” 

Marcus Aurelius Meditations 7:15

The whole phrase means to commit one’s life to being a force for good. “Know what you are and be it.” I like “purple being purple.” Purple can’t help but be purple. Despite how hard it may try, purple can’t will itself to be beige or red. Only purple. Be who your are and do so without any apologies.

3. Focus on holding fast to your values

“It takes a special talent to betray an entire worldview without missing a beat”

George Packer The Hollow Men, The Atlantic, May 2025

To read Mr. Packer’s articles is worth the cost of a subscription to The Atlantic alone. Packer is a staff writer for The Atlantic. He is also the author of “The Unwinding: An Inner History of the New America” and “Blood of the Liberals.”

In “Blood” Packer writes about searching for his family’s roots. In the final chapter he offers insights into why he thinks people hang onto liberal values despite futile personal efforts. Published in 2001, his concluding chapter is more than pertinent to our current political climate.

We are living in a time when others just don’t give a shit about democracy. Packer’s work is a sobering account on why we shouldn’t give up our ideals.

But it is Packer’s story in The Atlantic and cited above that moves me to write here. It is a scathing rebuke of Republicans and their willingness to being shape-shifters. For decades Republicans like Rubio, Johnson, and Graham long established conservatives have now betrayed their own convictions and worldview.

In the bitter aura of subservience to Trump, they say and do things abhorrent to their own ideals. Packer provides examples. The disturbing 180 turn against supporting Zelensky and citizens of Ukrainian and full throated support of Trump and Putin suffices. For Packer, the turn is the simple minded decision to curry favor with Trump by parroting him.

Trump’s twisted worldview changes depending on the time of day, often contradicting things he says in the morning by mid-afternoon. The three anti-amigos noted above know that to contradict Trump is to certify their own political death. So, they struggle to get their wording to match his. Watch them and the struggle is obvious. They know that their flip-flopping betrays years of personal and professional conviction.

You may take issue with me here, but despite what you think about these three mouseketeers, they are human. I think one has to believe they feel inner turmoil. Each time they parrot Trump’s words, they betray their own convictions and worldview. Politicians are known to be loose in their language depending on the audience they are speaking. It is political behavior and rhetoric that is winked at and expected.

You and I may never have to bend the knee to others like these three. However, the temptation to give in to utter despair and frustration is enough to make anyone hardened with bitterness.

It can be suffocating to watch the country, world, and people we love be affected by circumstances beyond our control. The waves of hatred and denial of what has made this democracy great for the past 80 years is alarming.

We can only make the above image of marchers shameful again by keeping the worldview of a free democracy alive. What kind of democracy? The kind of democracy that America has stood for in my lifetime and others. A country of laws where everyone is to be treated decently, equally, and fairly under the law. A country where every citizen is given the right to pursue a life of liberty. A country that welcomes those from other places to come here and pursue a life of happiness.

It takes courage to stand up to those with political populist ideologies that throw away 80 years of a democracy. It also takes an unwavering commitment to shut out the ordinary ways of a “maddening modern life.” It takes tenacity to focus on only what you can control and what you can do well.

And if you’ve made it this far in this article your commitment to your worldview is unwavering. Together we can insist on being a nation of decency. One that looks at an image of hate with shame and pride. Shame directed at those wishing for a revival of hate. Shaming them until they have been driven back from under the rock from which they came.

(Read The University In Crises)