(10 minute read)

I’m lookin’ to the sky to save me
Lookin’ for a sign of life
Lookin’ for somethin’ to help me burn out bright
And I’m lookin’ for a complication
Lookin’ cause I’m tired of lyin’
Make my way back home when I learn to fly high

Porter, Mitra, Gordeno, Ingebrigtsen

Music has always been more than an inspiration. As an angst-filled teenager I found solace sitting alone listening to my small brown Montgomery Ward hand-me-down stereo. I wore out record after record. A penny or nickel on the stylus and needle would keep the records from skipping. It helped but added to the grooves of the album wearing out.

My generation kept the recording industry afloat. We eventually replaced all of our vinyls with 8-track or cassette tapes. Then we replaced those with CDs. Now, everything is digital and everything before that inevitably went the way of the dinosaur. Now for what used to be the price of one album we own everything …and more. All of it miraculously delivered on every and all of our digital devices.

What a world we live in.

Now inspiration comes to me at any time in any place. I am no longer bound to any one place to receive it. My teenage music filled bedroom is now the whole world. Within minutes the dopamine that once released in my teenage brain now releases anywhere at anytime.

Embracing Instead Of Overcoming?

As a young lad, I battled with insecurity. Most of the struggles coming from my upbringing described in earlier articles. I wrestled with feelings of inadequacy, attempting to overcome them with sheer will power. I also tried to ignore these feelings. Trying to wrestle and ignore those feelings proved to be a futile gesture. We are told that with the right “brain power” we can overcome anything.

I learned to be a great believer in examining our “inner dialogue.” If we are aware we can attempt to alter it. This helps create a better existence for ourselves and loved ones. Of course by inner dialogue I mean the private conversations we have with ourselves. These are the ones we generally don’t share. Those secret thoughts ultimately define and determine who we are and what we will become.

For example, if we are hurt by toxic parents, we internalize that judgment. Their words and actions leaves us feeling we are unloved or unwanted. This creates a very toxic inner dialogue.

The awareness to the inner judgment is often a correct first step. Yet, trying to change that through sheer will power can often be impossible. I suppose it works for some. However, my success came through other avenues.

Embracing Inner-Pain

Just what exactly does that mean?

Sometimes, if we are truthful, we experience inner conflicts. These conflicts keep us from experiencing peace of mind. Worries, concerns, fears, all have a way of keeping us from experiencing a joyful life and being fully alive.

The belief that we must live a life of utter bliss is a major obstacle. This idea hinders us from entering inner peace. Many believe we have the right to expect happiness. If we are not happy, we often think there must be something wrong with us.

Some might read this post and judge it as hogwash. They might think one is weak to admit that there is “something missing” on the inside. They do have a point. Nowhere is it guaranteed that happiness is a right and that the universe owes us at least that much. It doesn’t.

No one likes to live a life of discomfort and pain. The main issue is believing we can control everything. We think that by doing, thinking, or having comforting beliefs, we can prevent unpleasant things from happening.

Comfort Beliefs?

Part of the human condition is attempting to make sense of the world in which we live in. Along the way we develop a series of comfort beliefs. These are ideas that give is a false a sense of ease. They allow us feel as if we are in control of things that happen to us.

Why do bad things happen to good people? …is one question we attempt to answer with beliefs that bring comfort. What happens when we die? …is another. There is nothing wrong with seeking answers to these questions. These and other questions have taunted mankind since nearly the very beginning.

Some of the brightest minds have filled volumes with various attempts at finding those answers. That there are so many different answers provided by so many people tells us one very important thing. There is no one real answer to any of these questions. But that hasn’t deterred us from individually trying.

Many of our “answers” or comfort beliefs are handed down through family, religious organizations, community, friends, etc. We tend to accept comfort beliefs unless we have life experiences that challenge them. We allow these beliefs to inform us with very little critical thought.

Inner Peace …Guaranteed

No matter what your beliefs are there is an inner peace that seems to be something sought by almost everyone. After a lifetime of searching, I have learned some things. They help me obtain a level of peace. This remains true even in surroundings that would dictate otherwise.

I make no declarations of reaching Nirvana (psst, it doesn’t exist here). However, I do know that there is an internal peace that I have now. This peace was something I did not possess when I was younger.

It did not come easy. I spent countless hours searching and seeking for comforting beliefs. I wanted beliefs that made sense. They had to make me feel more at home in my own skin. A lot of progress came from realizing I had unrealistic expectations about human existence.

We need to face obstacles. There is no waving of a magic wand. No amount of prayer to wish things away. An alcoholic must take the first step and admit they have a problem. We must admit that our problem is there. Why is that inner peace so elusive? Only then can we begin to change our inner dialogue and let it inform everything we say or do.

1. Face It

Whatever is keeping you from finding inner peace is important to be brave enough to admit and face. Ignoring, battling, overcoming, or denying it offers little benefit in life.

Musician and songwriter Sheryl Crow admitted that she experienced severe stage fright at the beginning of her career. An avowed “shoe gazer” Crow was petrified to acknowledge her fear, ignoring the audience in front of her. A life threatening experience gave her the courage to face that fear. She admitted that there were other things she wanted to experience. These things were greater than her own fear. She now mentors young female artists with singing exercises that includes making eye contact with individual audience members while performing.

Likewise, Kurt Cobain suffered from severe stage fright. In early concerts he was terrified of the crowd. Turning his back to them he choose instead to sing facing the drummer, Dave Grohl. It took months for him to face the crowd and even then he too was a shoe gazer. In a world full of egocentric stardom, his unassuming nature was a stark contrast and part of his charm.

2. Name It

It is one thing to acknowledge that fear may be blocking you from inner peace. It is another to identify “what” that fear is. For example, what do we call it? Why? For the same reason we choose to name people, places, and things.

Naming our fear helps us to identify what “it” is. If we can name it we can identify what is draining peace and power from us. Stoic historian and author, Ryan Holiday, writes; “[v]ague fear is sufficient to deter us. The more it is explored, the less power it has over us.”

Stoic philosopher, Seneca, thought it was crucial to face and name our fears. He developed a practice called premeditatio malorum, which involves deliberately meditating on inner fears. This helps to identify these fears and render them powerless.

3. Observe It

This is the part where I think you might have some fun. I certainly did. Facing and identifying what blocks our inner peace is just the beginning. The real work and fun is in studying those blocks. And it is fun!

Image by Freepik

I received this little gem of a suggestion a long time ago and have used it ever since. When trying to identify the “thing” that is blocking inner peace observe it as if you were holding an apple. Describe it. In detail. This accomplishes several things. One is to view this as an object that is not a part of you. It is its own entity, if you will. Don’t internalize it. It may feel as if it a part of you, but it’s not. Your ideal self doesn’t have room for such things.

How does this observing look? It may seem strange at first but the internal dialogue might look like this. “Wow. Look at this thing. So this is what it looks like. Here’s how it affects me. I wonder how it got here? What’s the point of me holding on to this thing? I wonder what it would be like to get rid of it?”

4. Change It

Believe it or not, up until this point all the hard work has been done! So far we have dealt with some of the obvious negative things that can block our inner peace. One significant block is our ability to believe. We struggle with that inner voice that tells us how great we are. The ego.

Ego (one of those things we observe like an apple) has a way of influencing us. It tells us that we deserve everything and anything we want. The epitome of this ego is the practice of “ordering” the universe. This ordering covers everything from prayer to new age hoohah like “speaking things into existence.” Like pulling up to a fast food drive-thru we expect to order and deliver what we want. In some circles this is called “practicing intentions.”

But there is nothing out there to take our order, folks, let alone anything “to” order.

Sometimes it is equally important to unlearning old things as much as learning new things.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

Blaise Pascal

“The Buddhist word for it was upekkha. The Muslims spoke of aslama. The Hebrews, hishtavut. The second book of the Bhagavad Gita, the epic poem of the warrior Arjuna, speaks of samatvam, an ‘evenness of mind—a peace that is ever the same.’ The Greeks, euthymia and hesychia. The Epicureans, ataraxia. The Christians, aequanimitas.

In English: stillness. To be steady while the world spins around you. To act without frenzy. To hear only what needs to be heard. To possess quietude—exterior and interior—on command.”

Ryan Holiday, Stillness Is The Key, Portfolio Publishing, 2019

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

Franz Kafka, Zürah Aphorisms, 109, 1916-18

“And Moses said to the people, ‘Fear not, be quiet, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today …'”

Exodus 14:13, First Testament

The idea of overcoming our obstacles to peace by plowing through, bullying, or wrestling is ineffective. Using mind-over-matter is futile. Any other mental gymnastics one can come up with is like a hamster spinning itself in a wheel. It gets us nowhere.

The Human Condition

One hazard of the human condition is the ability to imagine the future. We envision what our ideal self might look like. We envision the eventual destination of our internal being. We ponder what it would be like to be our better angels and our better selves.

At the same time, if we are honest, our reason dictates where we stand today compared with that ideal life. For many of us that stark difference is a yawning chasm. Between where we are today and where we want to be, the chasm, often causes us the greatest angst.

No matter what belief you subscribe to about our origins, begin by being thankful. Start the journey of seeking inner peace with gratitude. How we got here or why we are here matters very little. The fact is we are here and it is better than the alternative, not to be here.

The universe is cruel and random. The fact that we are even here creates a sense of gratefulness. This gratefulness helps us be mindful of the present. Being mindfully present readies us for changing our inner dialogue and moves us towards inner peace.

There is nothing hidden. No secret to uncover or discover. We are the authors of our lives.

“We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams”.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald, Dahl, A. Knopf, Inc., 1964

As a teenager, I spent time listening to music alone in my room. That is the first time I recall being aware of my inner self. The music moved something within me and my internal being became more prominent. Years later, as a novice meditator, I remembered those days. I got in touch with the internal feelings associated with them. Those teenage years was really the awakening of my ideal inner self.

Whatever the obstacles that we find trying to become our ideal self …acknowledge those obstacles, embrace, name, and even describe them. Go forward knowing that inner peace is closer than you think.

Maybe it’s just a thought away.